Broken Loves
by Cerii-chan
Summary: Snape has had some terrible memories in the past, and not just with James...


Author's Note: Yup, this is my first fanfic with Lily and James. Thought it would add a little twist with this. It took me all morning to write, so READ AND REVIEW!

Disclaimer: (which I forgot to put in my 1st one) I do not own Serverus Snape, Lily Evans, James Potter, Harry Potter, Lazarus Antonescu (at least I think I don't, did I make him up or did somebody else?) or Order of the Phoenix (from which the _italic_ sections are excerpted from.

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_"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"_

_"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…."_

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Serverus watched from across the room. Lily was sitting in the front, staring intently into her cauldron. Her cheeks were red, and he could tell she was trying to ignore the boy behind her. James was teasing her, and though Serverus couldn't hear what he was saying from the other side of the Potions classroom, he could tell it was bothering Lily. His sallow, pale face turned slightly red. How dare he? How dare he torment her mercilessly, unrelentingly when he could see that she hated him? Because although she didn't always act like it, Serverus knew she hated him.

His thoughts turned to by the lake yesterday. James and his disgusting group had cornered him, four on one, and he had no defense. But then Lily had marched up. Red in her fury, her cheeks flushed from the cool outside air, her deep, layered green eyes flashing in unspeakable anger, she had looked beautiful. Serverus was not a one for poetry, but he remembered a certain poem he had read long ago…

_Bitter, she swoops down,_

_On me, a_

_Lovely _

_Dark _

_Angry _

_Angel from heaven. _

He didn't quite fathom its depths, and he wasn't sure what it was about, but he was sure that it reminded him of Lily. Sweet Lily, kind Lily, compassionate Lily, Lily who wouldn't mind protecting a lowly Slytherin like him for the sake of keeping the world safe from war and injustice. And truth be told, he wasn't even a Slytherin. He was a pureblood, but that was all he had going for him. He took no pleasure in cursing Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs; saw no enjoyment in supporting old Tom Riddle's cause. His father spat at him, saying, "You're not a real Slytherin. You never will be. You'll grow up a filthy, groveling piece of dirt like you are, disgracing the family. Out!" He'd meet his mother's eyes for a moment, see the sympathetic, empty look that she always gave him, that was layered with so many other things, layered with hate and love and desperation and fear and hope and defeat and self-pity all at once, and he left. He left his house, left his home, and set out to find his real home. Lily would understand that. She would love him for his bravery, for all the pain he had suffered through without complaining, for the courageous veteran he was now. James… James would laugh. James would laugh, rubbing his face in the dirt, saying, "_You deserved it, Snivellus. You know you did." _Just the thought of James made him fume.

"Serverus?" A cold voice floated into his head from the front of the room. "And the answer is…?" Antonescu's voice trailed off dangerously.

Serverus stiffened. "I-I don't know, sir," he stammered.

Antonescu looked at him with a mix of disgust and distaste. "Very well then. Miss Evans?"

"Wolfsbane and goat gizzard," she said promptly. At the same moment, James let out a sort of muffled grunt. Serverus smiled slightly to himself. He could see Lily's foot withdrawing from James' side of the cauldron. _That's Lily for you,_ he thought to himself.

Across the room, she turned, her eyes meeting his for a second. Her expression hardened, then went back to her cauldron, face wooden.

With a pang, he remembered what he had said yesterday, what he had said to protect his pride and dignity.

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_"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—" _

_ "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" _

_ Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus._" _

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Lily kicked James from behind her cauldron. She couldn't believe he had the nerve to keep doing this after what had happened yesterday.

Serverus, either. She could feel him staring at her from the other side of the damp dungeon. He had been in trouble, and she, as a fellow human being, had helped him. But he had jumped up, and he had… he had…

He had called her a _Mudblood._

He throat hurt just thinking about it. She had _assumed_ that he had wanted help…

He was almost as bad as James. Worse than James.

Her thoughts snapped back into reality as she realized that the professor was talking. "Serverus?" he was saying. "And the answer is…?"

She could see Serverus duck down in the dim light, clearly embarrassed. "I-I don't know, sir."

Lily smirked slightly to herself, although she knew she really shouldn't. The Potions master turned to her. "Miss Evans?"

She suddenly realized she hadn't heard the question. She paused for a few seconds, then James' voice came floating into her ear.

"_Wolfsbane and goat's gizzard," _he whispered.

She flushed, and kicked him again. "Wolfsbane and goat's gizzard," she repeated to Professor Antonescu, trying to sound confident.

He stared at her for a moment, as if he suspected her. Finally, he spoke. "Very good," he said harshly, and turned back to the class. "Now, the second ingredient is—"

Lily tuned him out again. She didn't know why, but her heart was suddenly a mix of feelings, like gossamer dust on a musty windowsill, facing toward the rising sun every morning. She had cheated, and cheated off of James Potter, of all people, and yet, she didn't really mind…

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James grinned at the confused expression on Lily's face as she avoided his eyes. He was finally getting to her heart.

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Author's Note: I know it's a short/bad chapter, but chapter 2 will be better, and I'll revise this one, so review advice and suggestions please!

–Cerii-chan


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